I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So apparently I’m into choking now
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