Just took my morning after pill in the library
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
