How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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