it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
