I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
