Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
