So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
that may or may not have been my penis.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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