she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
