i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
