Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
