we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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