im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
