Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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