Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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