I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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