yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
