Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
