The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize