I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
