We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize