Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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