Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
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I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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