The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
