Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
