we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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