3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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