good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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