You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
