didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
