dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize