She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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