i need an iv and a liver transplant
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
