Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
