giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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