There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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