he thought i was a dude.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That reminds me...we need to get swords
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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