I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
