he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
