I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
