I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
