My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
