Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he fucked my hip out of place.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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