Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
