Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Randomize
