Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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