i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
