Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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