Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
another moral hangover. fuck.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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