I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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