I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
