I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
