is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
