There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
