Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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