I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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