He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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