Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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