i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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