Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
