Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
