My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
