everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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