Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
