i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
