You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
