Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
