Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
