I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
