the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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