Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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