just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
