69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
His hands were made for my vagina.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
