god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
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Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
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He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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