Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
