i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
