I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
