After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
