My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
