put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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