WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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