he was CRYING into my vagina
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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