Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
