I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
