Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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