And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
