Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
