she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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