I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
