take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
