these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
